eeYup. When I was a child, I thought ‘thesaurus’ was the name of a dinosaur.
Now that I’m older, I know better. This month, I’m blogging my way through the thesaurus on the A to Z Challenge. Yesterday? The letter “A.” Today? Yup. You guessed it: I’m nose deep in the thesaurus reading through the letter “B.”
Word of the day? Butt. That’s right. You heard me. Butt.
Ooo, that letter looks hot! Like, burning-in-Hell hot.
And while I highly doubt I’ll burn in Hell for picking ‘butt‘ as my word of the day, I do enjoy the thought of being a little risqué, racy, ribald, indecent, suggestive, and improper with the day’s word choice. Because hey, that thesaurus is one naughty book! So naughty, I’ve started a collection. And no, a gal can’t have too many thesauruses. Today’s butt discussion is brought to you by the Oxford American Writer’s Thesaurus.
If you’re the butt of a someone’s joke, they’ve made you their target, object, subject, victim, laughingstock. My advice? Turn around, ‘drop trou’ and show ’em YOUR butt. Better yet, butt your butt up against them. Let ’em know what it feels like to have a naked you-know-what pressed against them, adjoined, abutted, next to, adjacent to, border, border (on), connected to, joined, touch. That’ll teach ’em!
Butts are smelly.
Especially cigarette butts. Also smelly? Cigarette stubs, ends, stumps, and remnants. “Ew, yuck! Don’t leave cigarette remnants on my driveway. And speaking of my driveway, if you come any closer, I’ll whack you in the butt with the butt of my gun.”
The butt of my gun? Any self-respecting, gun-butting intellectual with a thesaurus will tell you that can be said this way: not ‘butt‘ of a gun, but ‘stock’ of a gun, or ‘end’ of a gun, or handle, hilt, haft, or helve. “Back off! Or I’ll hit you with the helve of my gun!”
Whoah! That boy better cover his butt.
While you’re threatening people with the helve of your gun, be sure to ram, headbutt, bump, push, shove, and butt the butt of your gun into something. Something like, oh, I don’t know . . . a stone buttress, perhaps?
Wait. You know what? What you do with your butt is none of my business. Sorry for butting in. I don’t like it when people butt in, interrupt, break in, cut in, chime in, interject, intervene, or interfere.
Had enough of my butt yet?
No? How about my buttocks? Now there’s a thesaurus-y word!
Buttocks: Butt, backside, rear end, rear, seat, bottom, rump, cheeks, behind, derriere; booty, fanny, keister, tush, tochus (always wanted to know how to spell that), tail, buns, heinie, ass (WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!), caboose, fundament (which is the base or foundation of something), posterior, haunches, gluteus maximus (oh, yes!), sit-upon (thank you, Girl Scouts), stern, wazoo (rhymes with — ), and arse. A scandalous list, I know. I suspect somewhere in the world a pack of second graders are giggling.
Butt wait! There’s more.
I can’t leave without first apologizing to the fine folks hosting the A to Z Challenge. I fear my careless use of the word ‘butt‘ might get me kicked off the Challenge. Although, I sure hope not. ‘Cuz if that happened, I’d sure feel like an ass.
Today was brought to you by the letter B.
The A to Z Challenge takes a break every Sunday.
Monday? You guessed it: The letter C.